A few years ago Don Joyce did an Over The Edge radio show, where the theme of the show was “failure” and anything that could go wrong. He asked me if I could create some sounds or spoken word that conveys the idea of failure. I went a bit further and included short sentences or phrases about death and being just an overall bad and selfish person. I don’t think Don used very many of these bits and a lot of them are quite nasty, to say the least. Maybe someone remembers that show and could post a link in the comments. Here is what I came up with.

Stand by, for failure. – version 1

Stand by, for failure. – version 2

Failure – version 1

Failure – version 2

Failure is imminent. – version 1

Failure is imminent. – version 2

Failure must happen. – version 1

Failure must happen. – version 2

I depend on failure of others.

I get off on failure.

I am a smarmy man. – version 1

I am a smarmy man. – version 2

I always get my way. – version 1

I always get my way. – version 2

I am failure.

I am failure. I’m death too! How do like that?

I guarantee you don’t wanna know me!

I guarantee you do not want to know me!

I smell bad.

You can’t stop me.

Failure is coiled about me.

You absolutely haftuh fail.

Definite failure!

I am a functionary of failure.

And I’m gonna get off on that.

I am the absolute worst!

Absolute failure!

backwards stereo laugh

Where there’s failure, there’s death. – reduced bass and compressed

You must fail!

You’re going to die.

Yep, you’re gonna die!

You are going to die tonight.

Yuo’re going to die, absolutely.

You’re gonna go down like you’ve never gone down before!

And I get off on it, thinking about it.

I need you to fail and then I need you to die.

The messenger never fails, but you’re going to fail in very big way.

I look bad.

I am everything that’s mediocre!

laugh 2 mix

I am a certain man and I always get my way.

I am a smarmy man and I will continue to get my way, always!

I am a smarmy man and I am failure.

I’m the worst thing you could ever imagine.

You will (repeated 8 times) and then you will die!

And that’s what failure is all about!

laugh 3