A few years ago Don Joyce did an Over The Edge radio show, where the theme of the show was “failure” and anything that could go wrong. He asked me if I could create some sounds or spoken word that conveys the idea of failure. I went a bit further and included short sentences or phrases about death and being just an overall bad and selfish person. I don’t think Don used very many of these bits and a lot of them are quite nasty, to say the least. Maybe someone remembers that show and could post a link in the comments. Here is what I came up with.

Stand by, for failure. – version 1

Stand by, for failure. – version 2

Failure – version 1

Failure – version 2

Failure is imminent. – version 1

Failure is imminent. – version 2

Failure must happen. – version 1

Failure must happen. – version 2

I depend on failure of others.

I get off on failure.

I am a smarmy man. – version 1

I am a smarmy man. – version 2

I always get my way. – version 1

I always get my way. – version 2

I am failure.

I am failure. I’m death too! How do like that?

I guarantee you don’t wanna know me!

I guarantee you do not want to know me!

I smell bad.

You can’t stop me.

Failure is coiled about me.

You absolutely haftuh fail.

Definite failure!

I am a functionary of failure.

And I’m gonna get off on that.

I am the absolute worst!

Absolute failure!

backwards stereo laugh

Where there’s failure, there’s death. – reduced bass and compressed

You must fail!

You’re going to die.

Yep, you’re gonna die!

You are going to die tonight.

Yuo’re going to die, absolutely.

You’re gonna go down like you’ve never gone down before!

And I get off on it, thinking about it.

I need you to fail and then I need you to die.

The messenger never fails, but you’re going to fail in very big way.

I look bad.

I am everything that’s mediocre!

laugh 2 mix

I am a certain man and I always get my way.

I am a smarmy man and I will continue to get my way, always!

I am a smarmy man and I am failure.

I’m the worst thing you could ever imagine.

You will (repeated 8 times) and then you will die!

And that’s what failure is all about!

laugh 3

Direct mp3 download or play:  433 Megahertz
I made this recording using my Airspy software defined radio with a small ground plane antenna, suitable for UHF (with 2 additional VFOs, all very wideband AM) and VSTHost. The VST plugins used were Argotlunar, MFreqShifter, DtBlkFx, Sanford Reverb, and LoudMax. Think of the VFO (variable frequency oscillator) tuners as tracks, except instead of microphones and musical instruments there are radio signals. There was some additional audio processing done in Adobe Audition for restoring some dynamic range and adding fades at the beginning and ending. I don’t believe my modest Windows 10 computer could have done a screen capture in real time with all of the processing already happening, so I made a short screen capture video (without additional audio processing) of the signals that can be received. This video shows SDRSharp (the software that runs Airspy) running with the main VFO tuner set to 433.873 megahertz with the only audio option as mono, left and right. Aux VFO tuner number 1 is set to 433.905 megahertz, left channel and Aux VFO tuner number 2 is set to 433.950 megahertz, right channel.  The auxiliary VFO tuners are operating extremely wideband AM 40,000 kilohertz with squelch at 37. The main VFO tuner with the settings not visible is at the maximum bandwidth of 32 kilohertz with the same squelch setting.

Direct mp4 download or play: 433 Megahertz
What are we hearing? I’ve found a variety of links that explain.
Wikipedia LPD 433
Using 433 MHz for wireless connectivity in the Internet of Things
433 MHz interference – causes?
SIGIDWIKI.COM – Signal Identification Guide – 433 MHz
Nazi Mind Control 433 Megahertz Radio Frequency

Direct mp4 download or play: Bufferin Aspirin Ad – Student Unrest
Here is the second in a series of Bufferin aspirin ads from Richard Lyons’ collection of 16-millimeter films. Go here to see the first Bufferin commercial.

Direct mp4 download or play: Bicycle Horn Underwater 2016
If that wasn’t dumb enough here is an audio only download or play:
Bicycle Horn Underwater 2016 mp3
I made this for Negativland last year for possible use in live performances, but it proved to be too silly. The audio effects were created from a VST plugin called Argotlunar. Other posts with my bicycle horn are here, here, here, and here.